Thursday, July 9, 2009

D Day!!!

Well tomorrow is the day that is supposed to be the day! Kennedy's due date is tomorrow. I really don't feel like she will coming out tomorrow. But part of me is okay with that. Last night I broke down and had a moment where I was totally freaked out by the whole birthing process. Not the pain, and not so much the birth but the afterbirth. I am terrified of bleeding to death or getting blood clots or something horrible like that. I know, and those who know me, I am a hypochondriac. I have convinced myself I have cancer for body parts I as a female don't have! I want to be a mom so bad. To do all the things for my daughter that I didn't get to do growing up with a single mom and two sisters. I want to cuddle and love my daughter to pieces. I want to see Aaron be the incredible dad I know he is going to be. I just have to calm myself down and relax. I just get really scared sometimes and its the whole unknown and uncontrollable parts that really send me for a loop. I just have to have faith and trust that everything will go smoothly. I just had a moment last night while I was eating burritos with my husband! Every morning I wake up and tell myself I am one day closer to having a completely different reality then today! I cant wait. I dream about little babies every night. I was watching 16 and pregnant the other day and started crying when this teenager (a baby herself) gave birth to a little girl. I just kept thinking that would be me very soon! So here is to a new mother freaking about birth, like thats never happend, and to a control freak learning to let go.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Trust me, I know all the feelings you are going through!! She is so close, and you will be such a wonderful mother. It's so hard to "let go and let God", but motherhood sure forces us to do just that! :) Praying for you! Love you!

Pascha said...

ahh Em! You are going to do great, and God has all of "this" planned out to perfection, isn't that reassuring; just to know that the Lord is completely prepared for all of it, He knows exactly what is going to happen, and you will be able to handle every detail... and everything is going to be perfect, even if after 3 days of labor and a c-section and things not going as "planned"!! :)
i love you, and cant wait for sweet kennedy to be here! I cant believe i will have to wait so long to meet her! make sure aaron texts me when you are on your way to the hospital!